3 Minute Ideas – Adulting not Parenting

When you want to achieve something, do you feel you need to be stern with yourself? How do you talk to yourself about your singing and your mistakes?

Do you treat yourself with respect?

Do you feel you are a responsible adult or do you feel more like a incompetent or naughty child? Do you feel that to get things done you have to use a firmer tone?

In this video I talk about the pits you can fall into when you talk to yourself, why you can fall into them and what to do to climb out.

Blog Transcript

- Hi. So over these few weeks, I said, I’m going to be sharing with you little snippets from my Fearless Performer Program to help you become a more relaxed, more confident freer performer. 

Now, last time I talked about non-judgemental observation. 

This time, I’m going to talk about parenting yourself. 

And it actually relates to the nonjudgmental observation because when we use judgmental observation, it’s often when we start to parent ourselves and we start to tell ourselves what to do, tell ourselves go into that sort of nasty judgmental parent mode, where we go, “you idiot, you shouldn’t do it like that. Oh my goodness, you’ve done it again.” Or even in a supportive one, “come on, let’s work harder. You’ve got to get this right.” 

And when we start to parent ourselves, we have this idea that that’s when we’ll get our asses into gear so to speak and we’ll get going. 

The reality is, when we start to parent ourselves, the other part of us goes into child and we start to behave like children because that’s the natural response to being parented is to go into child. 

So that’s when you find you procrastinate, you put things off and you might distract yourself or you might get more tense and feel more vulnerable and more stupid and feel like a child. And that doesn’t bring out the best, the best place to be is in adult. 

So if you go back to the previous video where I talk about a non-judgemental observation, bring that in and bring that in an adult voice to talk to yourself about strategies for fixing the fact that you can’t remember that particular line or ways of improving things as opposed, oh my goodness, there I go again. 

So get back to that nonjudgmental observation and come at it from an adult perspective, because if you do that, you’ll respond in adult. It’s good for those of you who know it, it’s good transactional analysis and it works. 

So today, can you treat yourself as an adult rather than parent yourself as if you’re a naughty child? 

Let me know how it goes. 

Thanks for listening.

If you’ve liked what i’ve talked about today and like my way of looking at music and and performing, then there is a free training you can sign up for here.  

Thank you so much for listening