Believing in Yourself

So often people believe that confidence is about their skill level, that when their skill level is high enough then they will then solve their issue with confidence. The reality for me is that people are more capable of increasing their skill level when they increase their self-belief.

But here I want to make a distinction between self-belief and the arrogance, because people think that arrogance is too much self-belief. It isn't. Take a listen to find out more....

Podcast 23 Title

The Courageous Performer Podcast

Believing in Yourself

If you would like to transform your approach to performing so that you can feel confident (even without being able to guarantee the outcome!) then go to nailyourperformance.com to find out how to work with me.

Read the episode transcript here:

00:09

Hi, I'm Hattie Voelcker from Find Your True Voice, and one of the things that I've been thinking about recently is what people come to me to solve, what problem do they come to me to solve, and what do they want from me? And so often they come to solve the problem of anxiety, overthinking, lack of confidence; some people come because they don't like their intonation, some people come because they can't perform at the volume they want to whether it's speaking or singing.

 

00:46

There, all these different practical reasons they come to me for, and then I've been thinking about what they leave with, and with all of them, they leave with more self belief. And that's a bit of an an amorphous thing to sort of talk about. Because the other thing that often crops up is a fear of too much self belief. So they say, "Yes, I want to be more confident and less anxious. But I don't want to be arrogant. I don't want to be too big for my boots, I don't want to become complacent." And this is idea that there's a level of confidence, where it's too much confidence. And I've talked about this before, because there's a real difference between confidence and arrogance. They aren't on the same spectrum at all, because arrogance is actually on the spectrum of insecurity.

 

01:46

It's only insecure people who feel need to be arrogant, because it's like they're trying to prove to the, to convince the world, they are good enough, so they themselves believe it. If you truly believe that you are good enough, then you don't need to prove it to anyone. You just have to be. And that's the state that I want to get my clients to, the state where they believe that they are okay.

 

02:15

Not that they haven't got work to do on their technique, or they haven't got more work to do in in honing what they do, honing their craft. But actually, what comes into anxiety is that fear that you're not good enough, fear that you're not worthy to stand up in front of these people. And what they leave with is this belief that they are worthy to stand up in front of these people. And more than that, that they can cope with anything that is thrown at them. And that for me, is the key. That's the point of self belief. Because it's not that nothing will go wrong. It's that you can cope as and when things do go wrong. That you are enough, that you have something to share, and actually, what you have to share is more important than anything else.

 

03:09

So how does this all tie together? So anxiety, stage fright, overthinking, self sabotage, comes from the desire to keep safe; and the idea that if you perfect, get control over everything, then you will be safe. And the anxiety comes from that friction of knowing that you can't make it all safe. So how do you get comfortable with unsafe. With the prospect that things will go wrong. And that's about your belief in your ability to cope when things go awry, when things go right in a different way than you might have expected, or wrong in a way that you might have expected or might not have expected. That you can pick up and carry on, and you'll be okay.

 

04:01

But more than that, self belief comes from this idea that you are worthy to hold that space in front of your audience; and for that, it's important for you to have this belief that what you have to say, what you have to share, the song you have to sing, is valuable to your audience. And this is where the work really begins, because self belief is more about the judgement of you than your audience's judgement of you. It's more about what you think of you. Because, as I said, last time, or the time before, we impose our own judgement of ourselves on our audience, and we don't look at what they really want, and real self belief comes in the fact that we understand what the audience wants, and we believe that we have something and that will enhance their lives.

 

05:02

And so we go out and we produce. And that comes with this sort of sense of calm, because then it becomes about the message you're sharing, not about how well or badly you are sharing that message. And then it becomes not about you. So again, that removes the pressure or reduces the pressure. And so this movement away from self doubt, into self belief.

 

05:32

People often think is about getting good enough, but actually, it's about believing that you're okay, and shifting your perspective on what "Okay" actually means. Okay doesn't mean getting it, all right, it doesn't mean perfect, it doesn't mean every note in the right place, it doesn't mean every word said correctly. It means something different. It means something about who you are, and what you have to offer, because I don't care how good you are, how experienced you are, you will make mistakes. Things will go wrong. You will be the cause of things going wrong, and how do you be okay with that if you every time something goes wrong, or you make a mistake, you believe it is down to your lack, to the fact that you're not good enough.

 

06:24

When you flip it and go, "No, I am good enough. So if I am good enough, then let me solve the reason it went wrong. Okay, I hadn't learned that well enough." That doesn't mean you're not good enough, that means you didn't learn it well enough, which means the next time you can learn it better. "I didn't engage with the audience well enough, I didn't make eye contact." Great, we can solve that problem. It's not that you're not good enough. It's not that you have failed, it's that you didn't do something. So next time, you can do it. It's separating what you do from who you are.

 

06:57

You can be good enough and make mistakes, and that belief, and the belief that you can cope, and you'll come out, okay, the other side, is what transforms in people so that they become truly confident. Not arrogant, "I'm better than everybody. I'm going to do this brilliantly," but confident that even with some of the things I haven't done well, some of my natural flaws, my, my failure to plan is probably my, one of my biggest struggles, probably because I probably have a ADHD (lots of 'probably's in in there.)

 

07:34

But that whole idea of: Despite all that I'm still okay. It's still okay for me to put my message out there. It's still okay for me to sing. It's still okay, when I sing a duff, note for me to go. "Okay, I'll try that again." And not to say, "Oh, I'm no good at singing, I need to give this up." "Oh, I'm no good at public speaking, I need to give up, give this up." And when you can access that real faith that you are okay, and that comes from the way you talk to yourself, then everything changes.

 

08:09

And when I talk about this coming from the way you talk to yourself, this is the core. This is the core, and that's everything I teach, comes back to the way you talk to yourself, the reason you talk to yourself that way, and how you change the way you talk to yourself, so that you can build self-belief. So that you can build the belief that you can cope. So that you can let go of those insecurities, connect with your audience, engage them and give them something of value.

 

08:43

So if you can take away one thing from this podcast, it is that you start as being okay. If you could start believing you're okay, then you will naturally get better; and that belief stems out of what you view your audience as wanting, what you feel you have to offer your audience, and most importantly, how you talk to yourself. If you are constantly telling yourself you're not good enough, constantly telling yourself that, "There's more evidence that I can't do this. I was never supposed to do this," then you tend to believe yourself. So if you change the way you talk to yourself, you can increase your self-belief.

 

09:34

I'm Hattie Voelcker, from Find Your True Voice, thank you so much for listening.