How it works

I feel nervous at times still, and I get vulnerable too. The work I do isn't a miracle, it's a strategy and last week I proved to myself once again that it works. The audience that makes me feel most vulnerable is professional singers, or really good amateurs. Their opinion matters to me, because not being crap at singing matters to me. 

This episode is about how the process works and my experiences with how it's worked for me. Take a listen.....

If you are interested finding out more about how this works, I'm running a workshop on 24th September 2023 which will teach you 5 simple steps to change the way you feel when you perform.

If you would like to learn how to let go and perform brilliantly, so that you can feel confident (even without being able to guarantee the outcome!) then go to nailyourperformance.com to find out how to work with me.

Read the episode transcript here:

00:10

Hello, this is Hattie Voelcker from Find Your True Voice, and there's something I'd like to share with you today, and that's that what I offer is both miraculous and completely not miraculous at the same time. Is both incredibly simple, and an immense amount of work. But it's not the sort of work you might think it is.

 

00:35

Because confidence is a tricky thing, as it's so much to do with your opinion of yourself, your own opinion of yourself. And that battle between wanting to feel good enough, and be good enough, but not wanting to be arrogant, and then in your arrogance, making a fool of yourself. So in that way, doubting yourself is actually a way of keeping yourself safe. It's a survival strategy. Because if you doubt yourself a bit, then maybe you won't become arrogant, and you won't then make fool of yourself.

 

01:13

And what I wanted to share more than that, was my own story, because this, this work has totally transformed how I approach everything, not just my performing, but also my life, my relationships, my friendships, who I am, and how I treat myself, and has made me happier in all those areas. And in my Instagram, I've been talking about, you know, what is the space that makes you feel most vulnerable, because the space that makes me feel most vulnerable is singing in front of other singers. Particularly professional singers, and that is the space where I doubt myself the most. That is the space in which my vulnerability is most likely to be triggered, and it's taken me time to use the tools that I use in other areas of my life, really effectively in that area.

 

02:17

So I don't get to perform a huge amount in my singing, I have a very busy life, and I also think that it's one of those final frontiers. It's the space where I don't put myself out there as much as I could. And I've been going on course, in France, you may have seen some posts from there, avery year for awhile, this is the third year I've gone. So I started going two years ago, did one again last year and one again this year, and what it's proved to me is that the work that I do works, although sometimes it takes a little time to get to the real heart of it. Because what I actually teach is tools, I don't teach, I don't give you a magic wand to transform what you do. But I teach tools, and the fundamental tools that I teach are kindness, and joy. And that sounds very woowoo and very, kind of airy fairy, but it's not. It's rigorous. And it's hard. And it's repetition. Because you're overlaying patterns that have been established, well, in my case, for nearly 50 years. And to overlay those takes effort, and courage and bravery.

 

03:49

And so this year, I went again, and somebody who'd been the year before, who actually is one of my clients, and lovely, lovely person said, I can't believe how confident you were this year. And that meant a huge amount to me. And not only, she wasn't the only one to comment on it, that whole idea of being able to stand and own the space in my most vulnerable space, in a space where I was being watched by other singers whose opinions really mattered to me. And that I am starting to overlay some of those deep seated fears, the ones that stopped me singing for nearly 20 years, of what other people think of me, is huge for me. And once again, I think you know, I doubt I doubt my work sometimes but it has again proved to me that this stuff works.

 

04:49

And it's about being kind to yourself. So although I wasn't as confident as I wanted in the first year or the second year, instead of going ah maybe I'm no good at this, I went, Okay, what can I learn? What did I do well, what did I do that I would like to do differently? And I took those lessons, and I took those lessons with kindness, I took those lessons, and I treated myself in a way that I would never have done five years ago, 10 years ago. And that is progress. That is me, going out there and repeating this strategy and the tools I use to implement this new way of thinking. And not only did I look more confident, but I sang better than I have sung in a very long time, in a much more open way with more expression, and way more enjoyment.

 

05:48

And, and so what makes the difference? Well, there are three main tools that I would teach. One is put yourself out there with kindness, two, when things go awry, I will not say wrong, but awry, treat yourself with kindness, with analytical kindness. As I say to so many people, as a wise kind friend. Analyse what went well, analyse what did, analyse the reason it didn't go well, excluding the possibility that it's just you being awful. And then look at how you can change that. So 1. put yourself out there, 2. treat yourself with kindness when things go awry. And 3. Put yourself out there again, because shifting mindset is really amazing, and can do huge things. But it takes practice to instil those new mindsets.

 

06:59

So having a new mindset is just an idea until you put it out there, and you implement it. And you implement it again, and you implement it again, until it fixes and you suddenly find that you are thinking differently, and thinking way more effectively, and going out there and nailing it in a way you never thought possible.

 

07:23

So what would I like you to take away from this podcast? Oh, the thing that's come top of my head is kindness, kindness, and trying to say that really clearly kindness, kindness and putting yourself out there. It is miraculous, because you can't believe that it's possible, often as not. But it's a miracle that takes work. It takes installation, and it takes repetition, but it works. So put yourself out there and be kind to yourself, and put yourself out there and be kind to yourself. Be analytically kind, but kind.

 

08:13

Thank you so much for listening. I'm Hattie Voelcker from Find Your True Voice.